Stims: Day 6

I first want to say that I truly did mean to double post yesterday!  My goal is not to make this blog solely infertility while I'm in it, but rather maintain somewhat of a normal blog posting schedule as well.  I sat down at my computer with a nice large chunk of time yesterday, and lo and behold, when I was finally going to bed last night I remembered I forgot to post a Monday Munchies.  So, I'll hold onto that yummy recipe until next week. 

Yesterday I reported that I was relatively symptom-less, but later that evening, I began to feel uncomfortably bloated, and that carried on into the night.  I had to prop my pelvis up with a pillow to alleviate the pressure on the area.  Overall, I just feel rather crampy at times. Otherwise, my emotions have been kept in check and I told someone yesterday I'm feeling rather zen about everything.  

Tonight I started my cetrotide to prevent premature ovulation of the follicles I'm developing, and I also have to add a baby aspirin to increase blood flow to my uterus.  I am still on three menopur vials, 100 gonal-f, and .3 low dose hcg.  

I report back tomorrow for more blood and ultrasound, an update will follow of course!  

For those of you that have been around for awhile, I posted during Hannah's pregnancy that I associated a song with her pregnancy.  That song sparked feelings about her, and the pregnancy and how it came out of no where, took us by surprise, but stuck around.  Now, a song has made it's way into my heart that signifies my journey to this point and moving forward.  

Sometimes the world seems against you
The journey may leave a scar
But scars can heal and reveal just
Where you are
The people you love will change you
The things you have learned will guide you
And nothing on earth can silence
The quiet voice still inside you
And when that voice starts to whisper
Moana, you've come so far
Moana, listen
Do you know who you are?

Sometimes the world seems against you

The journey may leave a scar 

Yesterday marked 11 complete months of actively trying to have baby #4.  There has been a lot more negative than positive, and at times I've questioned the whole plan.  

But scars can heal and reveal just where you are

This journey has forced me to dig deep, and face challenges I never dreamed of.  Challenges I wasn't sure I could face, but I did.  

The people you love will change you

I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't for the unwavering support of a couple key people.  

Their love, their hand holding.

The things you have learned will guide you

And all the negatives of the past are being used as positive information to get us to where we need to ultimately get.  

And nothing on earth will silence

The quiet voice still inside you

I have contemplated quitting so many times over the last 11 months; didn't think I could face anymore disappointment.  But I can't silence that voice inside, telling me to push forward. 

And when that voice starts to whisper 

Moana, you've come so far

I'm a completely different person than I was 11 months ago, and despite all the heartbreak, I wouldn't change any of it.  

Moana, listen

Do you know who you are?

I know more who I am now, than I ever have before.