Thursday, August 29, 2013

I wish I had more...

Time...
Energy...
Focus...
Patience...

Friends-I knew caring for a new baby was hard-little sleep, constant feedings, laundry, diaper changes, holding, cuddling, tushy patting, burping, bouncing-anything else?  

But it's even harder when two other little ones have their own needs that must be met-lunches to be packed, laundry, dinner, individual time, outside bike riding time, cuddle time, run around like banshee time...and who could forget all the slapping, pinching, nagging, teasing, not listening, screaming and whining???

I have so much I want to say, so much I want to show you of what has been going on around our house-all of the house projects we did, my updated desk space-which is awesome, the back to school gift we gave our teachers...I have a whole list pinned up on my board...

The problem is-I just don't feel like I have the energy it takes to put into words a coherent post.  I can't even tell you the number of times I've had a texting conversation and I read what I wrote-and have to respond with, sorry, that totally did not make any sense.  Let me try that again!!!

We're still finishing up the last minute unpacking around here, yet there are always new things added to the list.  I feel as if my time blogging is really not what I should be doing when the opportunity presents itself.  Better I should be sweeping, or folding laundry, or loading/unloading the dishwasher, or putting toys away...maybe I should think about taking a nap one of these days...
The point is, I didn't mean to abandon this space-I think of coming back daily, I have LOTS I want to say, and I will return to being a semi-weekly, if not daily blogger again, hopefully soon!  

In the meantime...


Thursday, August 22, 2013

What a week!

Wow...1 week since our Hannah Rose arrived.  
I almost wrote, 1 week since our miracle arrived-and although there are many miraculous things surrounding her being, my other children are miraculous too.  Isn't every child?  I've actually gotten into the discussion of which is more miraculous.  A post for another day I guess...

First of all, here is my final belly picture-officially entering into the 10th month of pregnancy...
 Do I need to explain why it's blurred and dark? Ok, didn't think so...
Along those lines, I forgot to weigh myself the morning of, so we'll just go with what it said at Dr. Wonderful's my last appointment-up a total of 53 lbs! 

I thought I would be able to update from the hospital-and if not in the hospital, definitely when I got home.  
I was too sick in the hospital, and whatever time I had there was used to recuperate and adjust and take care of new baby business.  And we didn't get discharged until 6pm, so by the time I got home I had to spend time with the boys, and it was bed time.  

I'm physically feeling ok, just much more exhausted than I anticipated.  I already know I'm pushing myself too much.  

In a nutshell: 
We had a successful induction because Hannah's platelets came back over 200,000!
The day was hell.
The delivery was great! 
Hannah spent the night in the NICU but needs minimal follow up.
I'm only down 11 lbs at 1 week post partum...must.start.watching.what.I.eat!!!
 Her brothers love her.
We love her.




As the days continue I'm sure I will update with more information than you ever wanted to know!  

  

Monday, August 12, 2013

Pregnancy Complete!



In 5 hours I will be making my way to the hospital for what will be the delivery of our 3rd baby!  
I am so happy this journey is O.V.E.R.!!!  

Let's see-the bags are half packed, lists are half-assed, I did no meal prep, there are dirty dishes in the sink, I'm bringing a dirty nursing bra with me because we haven't done laundry since the move-and I had to wear it during the move since somehow my bra got misplaced-yeah, not quite sure how...

Anyway, excuse my lack of picture-the hubs was up until 12:30 building a new shoe storage cabinet for me-did I mention he's also not packed?  
Oh well..we'll do that in the morning.
And one favor, if anyone knows me in real life-make sure I don't forget to tell them that I plan on doing Cord Blood Banking...
If you follow me on Instagram (My Rose Among Thorns) you would know that at least my nails are ready for pushing ;)

I had my pre-admittance blood work done today, and when I got to the labor and delivery floor to get the orders, when the resident found out my name, his comment was, "oh, we all know everything about you!"  
My, something tells me tomorrow will be eventful!

My dad's text sums it right up: have a miraculous day tomorrow...yes, miraculous indeed!


Total weight gain/loss: I will weigh myself for the final time in a few hours.  According to Dr. Wonderful's scale (and I didn't gain weight this week, somehow) I'm up 53 lbs.  
 
Maternity clothes? Definitely...nothing is flattering these days...
 
Sleep: Since the move I have no idea what sleep is...just like I have no idea what exercise is...

Best moment this month: Bittersweet last IVIG, and of course tomorrow is D-Day!!! 

Movement: The movement has slowed down a bit, and sometimes I've gotten a little worried.  But, when there's movement, HOLY movement-it's painful...
 
Exercise: My kids logged onto my Run Keeper and it announced my last activity was 6 months ago...that will soon be changing! 

Gender: We know and some friends and family have been let in on the secret.  We can't wait to reveal it!!!!
 
Labor Signs: Other than Braxton Hicks...and if I wasn't being delivered tomorrow I'm almost certain I'd be pregnant for a few weeks more...
 
Belly Button in or out? Eh...not as out as I felt it was awhile ago...
 
What I miss: Just being able to function like a normal, healthy, physically fit person.
 
What I am looking forward to: Getting tomorrow over with!  I am so not looking forward to delivery-either option sounds terrible.  A C-section would be extremely challenging regarding the recovery, yet I know recovery after a natural birth aint no walk in the park either.  I'm also not looking forward to pushing out a baby... 

New SymptomsI've really been overdoing it with the move and all the unpacking-up and down, bending, squatting-it's mighty painful the next day.  

Well, ready or not here we go!!!!

Pictures and updates will follow!

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Slipping through my fingers...

My remaining time that is...

Don't make any mistakes here-I'm happy we'll be having our baby Tuesday, but considering we moved last week, and I'm so Type A-we've been getting very little sleep around here.  
The remaining boxes are headed for storage in the garage-that still needs to be organized.  
We're up to the last minute decorative details-hanging curtain rods, changing the pulls on the kitchen cabinets. You know, very important details.
Although I think they are important. 
And I know what it's like to have a baby; the last thing I need is to come home and feel a To Do list staring me in the face.  
So, it's finish unpacking or bust!  

My bag is not packed.
The baby's bag is not packed.  
All the baby supplies are either still in boxes or enroute via Bed Bath and Beyond.  

Truthfully, I know Tuesday will be a long day, and I am anticipating a long induction, so I will most likely be able to sleep. But in all honesty-if I can come home from the hospital with nothing to do on my To Do list but relax, then I can really take advantage of the help (thanks mom!!!) and do that whole, sleep when the baby sleeps thing.  
That would be nice.  
I'm finally looking forward to my vacation, because this summer has been anything but!!!

Tomorrow I will do my final monthly update!
And obviously the long list of blog posts related to prepping for a baby will not happen pre-baby, but I'll be sure to do them as a reflection, as I love sharing my assvice.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Thursday Throwback...Moshe's birth

Even though it's technically Friday, aaand now it's Sunday...whatevs.

I recently explained to a friend that your first pregnancy, you're nervous and scared for labor, because you don't know what to expect.  It's the anticipation.
With the second and subsequent pregnancies-you're nervous for what you know.  
Giving birth aint easy, that's for sure!
Although for some reason we keep coming back for more...

With Moshe, I didn't have a complaint in the world.  
Not an ache, not a pain, not even a braxton hick!  
I was dilated to 3 cm. for 3 weeks...and went 5 days past my due date.  

If you know me in real life, you know that I always have a list of things to do a mile long-honestly, I can't even tell you the things I do, I just know that I'm busy!  
The day of Moshe's birth was no different.
I was overdue, but I had a jam packed day filled with returns and fun at the mall.  
It was my last day-I was scheduled to be induced the next morning.
My last hoorah! 

Around 4:00 am I woke up from stomach pains, real stomach pains, not contractions, as in I need to go, go.
I don't like talking about the bathroom-although you'll probably be hearing about it in future posts as I have a thing for being brutally honest, and we're about to get into the nitty gritties of birth!
So, I hung out in the bathroom for awhile...
Probably fell asleep...
You know... 
 Eventually I got up, but then "peed" on the floor...
Hmm, that's interesting...
I decided that I would try to see if I had to go more-I'm not really sure why that would make sense, since there was a decent amount on the floor.
So back on the pot I went, and sure enough, I peed.
Hmm...so I peed all over the floor, and still more in the toilet?  Weird...
Then I started having some pretty intense pain-and then it hit me!
My water had broken!!!
 I went to wake up my husband.
It was now 4:30 am, and he kindly asked if he could go back to sleep.
Hmph...yeah, sure.

My contractions were not that intense, and were not coming consistently.  I couldn't go back to sleep, so I just hung out around the apartment, eventually went into the shower, and tried-unsuccessfully, to get in touch with the doctor. 
Around 9am, the doctors office finally picked up (there was a problem with their answering service) and we were told to head on in!  

I sent my husband down first to load the car-but when he got to our car, the Coke truck was blocking our car!  My husband calmly told security to please find the driver of the Coke truck and have him move his car, as his wife was in labor.
Now, you would think the security guard's wife was going into labor based on how he freaked out!!!
The driver was found, I made my way outside to the basement exit where my husband had pulled up the car, and we received well wishes from the security guard as he saw us off on our journey to the hospital!  

We had been timing my contractions, and at this point my water had broken almost five hours earlier-yet they were still inconsistent.  
I enjoyed a nice car ride, minus the few contractions, made phone calls to family members letting them know our long awaited miracle would be making his arrival a day earlier than expected, and ate chex.  
We quickly hit traffic, but we knew we weren't in any real rush.  

Once we arrived at the hospital, I had to stop in the bathroom due to frequent gushes of amniotic fluid.
Did you know that your water will continue to leak out because it continues to be produced?  
Best advice I ever heard-wear a newborn diaper like a pad-super absorbent!

Eventually we were checked in, and it was confirmed that my water had indeed broken, and that I was 5cm.
I was not in significant pain, and wanted to attempt a drug free delivery, so we began walking the halls.  
We wandered into some deserted wings of the delivery floor, as they had done some recent renovations and had moved the delivery rooms, so we had a lot of privacy and peace and quiet.  
Around noon, we headed back to our room where I mentioned to the nurse that I hadn't really been having any contractions-maybe two in a half hour.  
We decided we would continue walking for a little bit more to see if it picked up.  
No such luck.  
Around 1 pm, they came and informed us that they wanted to give me pitocin, but that they would send in the anesthesiologist before hand to give me an epidural because if I got to the point were I did want one, he might not be available-better to get it beforehand.  
Now, I don't necessarily agree with this-and we were on the fence about receiving the epidural.  But, I've read that labor induced with pitocin is much more painful than regular labor, and contractions much more intense.  So we figured, most likely, I would end up wanting an epidural anyway, why go through the pain of it.  

 Receiving the epidural itself was not so painful, but the process was the worst part of labor, the only part I cried.
You have to sit completely still and cannot move during contractions-at all.  
Once the epidural was in place, I was pain free-a little too pain free.
I was over drugged.  
I immediately felt like I couldn't breathe, couldn't move my lower half, at all, and in general I just felt out of it.  
I ended up sleeping from the time the epidural was administered until about 5pm when my doctor arrived.  He was definitely surprised to still me pregnant!  

Around 6:30 it was time to begin pushing.
The problem was I still felt out of it, and could not feel my legs-which makes pushing very difficult.  
In the end, I pushed for a little over 20 minutes, received an episiotomy, had to have the doctor manually check to make sure all of the placenta was delivered, decided not to hold the baby quite yet, and almost passed out when they attempted to move me to recovery.

The hardest part, by far, of the labor and delivery experience were the first two days of recovery.  
In the hospital, I was in so much pain from the pushing and episiotomy that I could barely get around and required frequent assistance to sit up, get in and out of bed, go to the bathroom, you name it.  

I also was not prepared for the amount of blood that first bathroom trip.  So unprepared I blacked out and had to be carried back to my bed.  It was one of my most anticipated fears, so I'm not surprised that was actually something that got to me.  

I was a first time mommy, and Moshe was a somewhat difficult nurser, so that required a lot of help in the hospital.  Thankfully the hospital employs a really wonderful lady and we've become friends throughout the years and I've reached out to her countless times for guidance and support.  

I found that each day really was an improvement and by 1 week post-partum, I really was feeling generally well.   

So there ya have it-my first birthing experience... 

 

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Room for more....

When you're first pregnant-you fall in love with two pink lines.  No name, no face, no image in your head-but you're in love none the less....in love with these two lines that will hopefully result with a bouncing bundle of joy 8 months later.  

It's love at first sight on delivery day! 
A wave of emotion washes over you and you quickly forget what life was like pre-baby.  Although the non-fitting wardrobe, stretch marks and saggy skin are a constant reminder of what used to be. 

When it comes time to do it all over, you know what that means-you've been through pregnancy, the pain of delivery, sleepless nights and recovery, but those pink lines don't quite produce that same love you had the first time.  Because this time you already have a child-with a name, a face, a personality. You begin to wonder how a new baby could ever come close to stealing your heart like your first child has.  Your heart is full, overflowing-there's no way you have room for more! 

I knew I would love my second, I never doubted it-but I just wasn't sure how it would happen.  I didn't know what to expect.  With my oldest-the love was simultaneous with the + on the pregnancy test.  The second time, mentally, I loved this baby, but in my heart I worried about how it was possible to double the love.  

When I went into labor with Dovy, and it came time to call the doctor (although I knew we were headed to the hospital) I burst into tears, unable to actually speak to the doctor.  He took that as a sign to head in as my labor must be that intense! My husband told me later, he knew why I was crying-how could I leave my Moshe, and disrupt his life forever? 

And then it happens! Your heart instantaneously doubles in size.  And although there have been a few occasions where Moshe has requested that we "give Dovy back because he's not good for us," I don't remember our family without him! The love is equal...

Throughout this pregnancy I didn't think nearly as much about how I would love this baby, because I know it's possible.  Not only will my heart triple in size, but so will all those who love my children.  

But, as my induction date rapidly draws near, I've started to wonder how loving this baby will work.  Will it happen instantaneously? Will I forget just as quickly what it was like to be a family of 4?  

Only time will tell, but I can't wait to find out what loving a family of 5 feels like! 
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