Thursday, August 1, 2013

Room for more....

When you're first pregnant-you fall in love with two pink lines.  No name, no face, no image in your head-but you're in love none the less....in love with these two lines that will hopefully result with a bouncing bundle of joy 8 months later.  

It's love at first sight on delivery day! 
A wave of emotion washes over you and you quickly forget what life was like pre-baby.  Although the non-fitting wardrobe, stretch marks and saggy skin are a constant reminder of what used to be. 

When it comes time to do it all over, you know what that means-you've been through pregnancy, the pain of delivery, sleepless nights and recovery, but those pink lines don't quite produce that same love you had the first time.  Because this time you already have a child-with a name, a face, a personality. You begin to wonder how a new baby could ever come close to stealing your heart like your first child has.  Your heart is full, overflowing-there's no way you have room for more! 

I knew I would love my second, I never doubted it-but I just wasn't sure how it would happen.  I didn't know what to expect.  With my oldest-the love was simultaneous with the + on the pregnancy test.  The second time, mentally, I loved this baby, but in my heart I worried about how it was possible to double the love.  

When I went into labor with Dovy, and it came time to call the doctor (although I knew we were headed to the hospital) I burst into tears, unable to actually speak to the doctor.  He took that as a sign to head in as my labor must be that intense! My husband told me later, he knew why I was crying-how could I leave my Moshe, and disrupt his life forever? 

And then it happens! Your heart instantaneously doubles in size.  And although there have been a few occasions where Moshe has requested that we "give Dovy back because he's not good for us," I don't remember our family without him! The love is equal...

Throughout this pregnancy I didn't think nearly as much about how I would love this baby, because I know it's possible.  Not only will my heart triple in size, but so will all those who love my children.  

But, as my induction date rapidly draws near, I've started to wonder how loving this baby will work.  Will it happen instantaneously? Will I forget just as quickly what it was like to be a family of 4?  

Only time will tell, but I can't wait to find out what loving a family of 5 feels like! 

1 comment:

  1. Love this post--I feel totally the same about expecting #2!

    ReplyDelete

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