Saturday, January 14, 2017

Stims: Day 9 and 10

I'm trying to remain super zen throughout all of this.  It's especially important to remain emotionally detached because this is anything but simple.  
Tonight will be night ELEVEN of stims and I'm not sure how much more my ovaries can take; I now have a constant dull pressure and my tummy is quite sore from all the needles.  
However, monitoring on Friday revealed almost no growth in my follicles since Wednesday.  
Cue: PANIC. 
Apparently ovaries with PCOS can misbehave sometimes and this is normal.  My menopur was increased to 4 vials a night, my hcg was increased to .4 and my gonal-f was lowered to 75, cetrotide remains on board to prevent premature ovulation and letrozol is to be taken as instructed.  
Retrieval is still TBD.  

On Wednesday my estrogen was 1,000 and of course on Friday, although we didn't know levels when we sat down to discuss the results, we did know it would be higher.
Officially cancelling my transfer.  
I forgot to ask what that means for a period, and prepping for a FET. I do know that we specifically stimmed how we did in case I would need lupron to prep the following cycle.  

Although I'm ok with this outcome, I'm sad because it's a reminder that things are not going to work out how I thought they would, or that I have control over any of this whatsoever.  
I won't have gotten pregnant shy of one year of TTC, or even 12 months of TTC.  
I'm not sure I shared this with you before.  But my goal is to just be pregnant in a year from now.  And in my heart of hearts, I believe we have a lot longer left in this journey.  

It's interesting how things work out.  On Monday I was told I had not received insurance authorization for the retrieval.  I was instructed to look for a letter from the insurance, since they usually send a letter to the patients before informing the doctor's office.  
No letter.
On Wednesday, I reported to the financial lady at the office that I did not have a letter.  She confirmed that the request for authorization was sent in December 13.  We decided we would both call insurance.  Insurance told me they never received a request for authorization.  The financial lady later informed me that she had proof of insurance correspondence from December 15-yet no approval!  
On Friday, insurance approval still had not been granted.  
I see God's hand here, had my follicles developed as we thought they would, my retrieval very well could have been Monday-leaving me potentially financially responsible for the retrieval.  
But the best part is how rockin' my doctor is.  When I told him I hadn't received insurance approval he looked at me...that's BULLSHIT! I'm not canceling this cycle! I WILL go and get those eggs. 

Well then, the retrieval will go on.

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