Thursday, May 19, 2016

Thoughts for the night before...again

So, I coincidentally have found myself at the end of another two week wait.  Two weeks ago I wrote about why I chose to be open about this pregnancy from the beginning, and my thoughts the day before finding out the result of this cycle.  It has been two weeks of blood draws, really, really good, strong, increasing numbers.  But then, I started spotting-and it was fine at first (tmi, it was brown-which they say is ok because it's "old blood"), my numbers came in great Monday, despite the spotting, but then Tuesday night the bleeding picked up.  Thankfully it was a one time deal, and it was relatively light, and no cramping.  

Have I grossed you out enough yet?

This incident was over just as quickly as it started, and I don't have a real reason to think things will be bad tomorrow.  The truth is, my gut feeling tells me things will be great this pregnancy, whereas with Hannah's pregnancy my intuition told me something was wrong, and I was right.   The thing is, after talking the situation over with my bestie, I realize that I chalk pregnancies up to "luck," and I feel that naturally, my luck will come to end.  And by end I mean, loss of a pregnancy.  She quickly reminded me that "life is not a series of checks and balances." And she's right...and the other thing-even if my gut feeling is wrong, even if life's not all about  checks and balances I'm not in control, and there's nothing I can do to change the outcome of this situation.  

I'm trying to think of the positive outcome that can occur tomorrow, while at the same time knowing that it is possible to have a negative outcome too.  

But for now, all I can do is hope...

Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. For more quotes and inspirations:

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