My Rose Among Thorns

And so it begins...

Today was my first appointment in preparation for transfer #2, for baby #3...

Blood work was taken, ultra sound was performed, prescription was filled...I will receive a call tomorrow with instructions on when/how to begin the provera.  Provera is instead of birth control-it will bring on "a flow."  I am to take it for 10 days, stop, and with 3-4 days I will begin a period.  I will go immediately in for monitoring so I can be fit into the January schedule.  Transfer is tentatively scheduled for the second week of January.  

I think one of my doctor's employees (she happens to run insurance) wants to send me for a psych consult!  I just happen to be a "glass half empty" kinda gal...and add last night on top of that?  I must admit, I do wonder if they ever refuse to treat patients, recommend taking time off, or if they are secretly analyzing me: how I talk about the cycle, how I talk about my home life, etc.  I wonder what my doctor thought when he ran into me with the kids-he poked his head into my car!!!  That should tell you something right there!  

When it comes to this cycle, as my previous cycle, I do not want to let myself get too attached.  I will say this-once you have a child(ren) it is much easier to tell yourself you're not getting emotionally attached.  Just going through the motions (which apparently is cause for concern...I was asked if I was sure I wanted to do this?) is not a good approach. Yes, I'm sure I want to do this.  It's the unknowns-how much money will this ultimately cost us, will it work, what if it doesn't?  The list is endless...I'm anxious just thinking about it. If this doesn't work-I'll be down to 3 embryos...living in denial is nicer-I have 4 frozen embryos...

The ultrasound report was decent.  I seem to have built up a lining which was a stark contrast from my last visit 6 months ago.  That probably explains all the weird movements and pains.  However, my ovaries have aged my friends.  They do not appear to be producing like they used to...I knew this was a cause for concern long before I even began fertility treatment.  At my initial consult my dr. warned me that PCOS ovaries age quicker.  "Have your children young."  Which is another reason I am adamant that I move ahead.  What if we run through these embryos?  I would rather do a fresh cycle in my twenties than thirties.  Which is why we tossed around the idea of doing another fresh cycle; as a way to get young embryos. 

I may run through these embryos in a few months, I may not; the embryos may run out in a number of years.  We might want to do more cycles, but need to do another retrieval.  What would a retrieval done at 30+ look like?  But what if all these 4 embryos become live babies-I think it's safe to say 6 children will be enough for us.  So if I did another fresh cycle, and ended up with, let's say 6+ embryos, I may not want to use all of them!  Then what?!?  Hence why we chose to work with what we have at this time.

And so it begins; tomorrow will be day 1!