Monday, December 17, 2012

A New Season...


 It goes without saying that the recent tragedy in Connecticut has brought about a new, humble appreciation for everyday life.  The stress, the messy house, the overflowing dishes and laundry basket-what a blessing.  The mourners should find comfort, and Baruch Dayan HaEmet (Blessed is the True Judgement).

To everything (turn turn turn)
There is a season (turn turn turn)
And a time to every purpose under Heaven 

I find this song by the Byrd's so incredibly reflective.    Life is full of stressors; being a young mom, I have had to readjust to "a new normal" multiple times throughout my short 5 years of marriage.  I graduated undergrad, had a baby, began and completed graduate school, moved out of our medical school housing after having been there for four years-since day 1 of our marriage, had another baby, left the next apartment and moved into the next.  Named my children after deceased loved ones, saw my love multiply, grow indefinitely stronger...

To everything (turn turn turn)
There is a season (turn turn turn)
And a time to every purpose under Heaven 
 
I nursed my baby for the last time this morning.  I didn't know it would be the last time...it was a middle of the night feed; I was annoyed he woke up during the wee hours like usual, close enough to the time of my alarm that I didn't really fall back to sleep.  I'm beginning treatment tomorrow; a day sooner than expected, as a way to save me from missing work-I'll go in the afternoon, the day before the results are required.  That means I can no longer nurse my precious 16 month old.  

To everything (turn turn turn)
There is a season (turn turn turn)
And a time to every purpose under Heaven 

Another confession-my baby hasn't slept a night in the crib. That's right-I let him lead  the way, and from day one we've co-slept.  It has been a love hate relationship, but I wouldn't change it for the world.  My oldest was independent from the get-go.  Did not want to co-sleep, and at 3 months it was obvious he no longer wanted to sleep in our room.  He would sleep for hours in the swing, and would entertain himself.  Not so much this time around.  Dovy is a mama's boy...I wouldn't change it for anything, but truth be told-I was in denial.  December 19 was coming, and it has been marked off in my calender for weeks...but Dovy continued to sleep in my bed and nurse at his leisure.  Honestly, I thought something would click and he would wean and sleep on his own...no such luck.  He has been screaming in his crib for almost 45 minutes.  

To everything (turn turn turn)
There is a season (turn turn turn)
And a time to every purpose under Heaven 
 
We went out for icecream tonight to celebrate Moshe being brave and strong at his 3 year well check  today which resulted with 1 shot and 1 nasal flu spray.  On our way, I was talking to my husband about how strange it is to commit to fertility treatment.  When you are using treatment for your first, it's a no brainer.  You're dying for a child, you'd do anything.  Eight days after Moshe was born, I knew I wanted another baby.  Like clockwork, close to Moshe's first birthday, we did a consult and that Monday of Thanksgiving week, we transfered 1 embryo.  That Saturday, I knew I was pregnant.  

To everything (turn turn turn)
There is a season (turn turn turn)
And a time to every purpose under Heaven 
 
I have two of the most precious, absolutely adorable, gorgeous (as Moshe called himself tonight ;) sons in the whole wide world!!! Why am I going to rock the boat?  Things are finally settled...my husband and I are both finally out of school, we finally are living in a place we hope will last us for the next number of years...We know we want more children, but as I'm committing to tomorrow's appointment, the doubt is beginning to creep back in...
 
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weap 

2 comments:

  1. im gonna ask an ignorant question: why can't you breastfeed while undergoing fertility treatment?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so sorry I did not respond to this comment until now! The medications used for fertility treatment are not indicated for use while nursing since it can be passed into the breast milk and then therefore into the baby. Fertility treatment is mostly hormones, which are not recommended unless necessary.

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