Stuck in-between

We took advantage of my husband's vacation and my maternity leave and headed home.

Home these days is kind of confusing.

On one hand, yes, home is where I am now, literally.

My parents don't live in my childhood home, not even in the same city.

 I don't claim Florida as my home-but they do.  

So many memories...

This will always be home.  

We hung out with friends, and friends who are like family.

And I was transported back to highschool-some of the best times of my life.  

It's funny, most people are happy to leave their highschool lives behind.  

And I did.  

I moved to New York.

Went to college.

Got married.

Got my masters.

Had three babies.

But New York is complicated.

I had to make new friends all over.

My best friend, for over 20 years, is not here.

But when we're together, it's as if we're back in highschool again.

And then the baby starts crying...no, not the baby we were assigned in a home economics class.

My baby.

Sometimes I still forget I'm married.

And then it hits me!

I'm stuck in between.

I know I'm an adult, but we're at the beginning stages of our career.  

Money is tight.

The kids are young, it's stressful.

It's hard not to wish this time away,

to a time when it will be easier-literally and monetarily.

It's hard to stay grounded in this keeping up with the Jones' days.

It's hard to remember what the real meaning and importance of life is.

Especially when the dishes and laundry are piling up.

It's hard not to wish the tantrums, the whining, the diaper changes, the runny noses, and all the stress away to a more comfortable time.

But soon enough I won't have a little two year old you runs up to me, wants to be picked up, wraps his arms around me and exclaims, "mommy, hi! I love you!" 

There won't be a four year old who throws himself on the floor when I won't let him have a cookie before dinner.  

Who proclaims "oh jeans," because that's what we've chosen he'll say instead of "oh shit" which he picked up from the babysitter.

There won't be a seven week old that instinctively wraps her finger around mine-always.

Who relies solely on me-all.the.time.

Stuck in between.

 

Via