Wednesday, June 26, 2013

One of those nights...

I typically feel in control-I carry lists, planners, notes in my i-phones, post-its, you name it!
But tonight, I feel like a failure.
It's funny-I've read it so.many.places., even repeated the mantra to others, but tonight, I just am not feelin' it.
Everyone ate
Everyone's asleep
Everyone was wearing clothes
No one got hurt
No one's dead
We survived
But why am I not buying into that advice tonight? 


Parenting is a fine line between accepting your limits, yet not overstepping them, or on the other hand-not meeting the expectations.
Unfortunately, money can also play a role in this.  For example, our babysitter comes from 7am-5pm Monday-Friday.  The total number of hours is the standard, although typically, babysitters in our area are from 8am-6pm.  
All my babysitter does is sit my babies-no cleaning, no cooking.
All cleaning is done by me.
All cooking is done by me, and most nights it is a home cooked meal.
But I've realized that with working full time, it would be super beneficial for everyone if I had that extra hour.  But I just can't afford to pay for that extra hour, so this year has been filled with a lot of anxiety and stress as I find the evenings really trying as I have a lot to accomplish in a limited amount of time.  
It would also be nice to sleep, but beggars can't be choosers. 

Why can't I just accept the advice from above and concede?
So what if things are messy. Or there's some dirty dishes some mornings.  
What's the big deal if laundry takes a couple days to be put away.
These are never ending cycles anyway.  

I don't know...
 
Tonight as I was putting Dovy to sleep, for the third try, at 9pm, I thought for a quiet moment how all of this is exactly what I dreamed of, and I should stop taking my kids for granted.
I need to unplug sometimes.
They need to unplug-we have old i-phones they play with, a DVD system in the car, and they've gotten into the habit of watching something in the morning when they wake up and before they go to sleep-but I don't see how any of this is beneficial.  
It just makes things worse-they fight over who gets to play with what phone, they fight over what to watch on TV, they fight over what DVD to watch in the car, and tonight, for the first time, they even fought over which CD to listen to-Moshe wanted one CD, for the 4th time, and Dovy wanted a different one.
Someone was always unhappy, and that someone ended up screaming until I turned it off. 
I'd rather listen to silence...

I'm going to try, again, to re-vamp my night time routine, which I think is essential before the baby comes.  
For starters, I think it's time to admit defeat and increase the babysitter's hours-and use that time to be productive around the house or with errands. 
I will need to plan with my husband at the beginning of each week so I know his schedule.  
Dinner should take place no later than 6:30.  
The boys will be upstairs no later than 7:30.  
Change into pjs, brush teeth, read books, cuddle and relax until 8:15.  
Dovy still needs rocked for a little to relax, so he can be rocked for 10-15 minutes, typically with my husband he will request to go into his crib when he's done,however he does not do that with me.
Moshe will stay up talking all night, which is how my husband is sometimes trapped with him until 9:30/10pm at night-this is a definite no-go.  
Not for Moshe and not for my husband.  
Moshe is old enough to have a discussion with, so I think we'll have to do that and create a plan with him-and stick with it!

All in all, I know this isn't easy-not for anyone.  
I know everyone struggles.  I just think part of me isn't ready to accept that I will also struggle.  That the house isn't going to be quiet at 7:30 at night. 
But what was happening was we would get upstairs around 7pm, but then watch an episode of Micky Mouse Club House, and that's 50 minutes!  
Even if we all lay in bed watching, the boys still expect additional cuddles before bed; so that's why bedtime was taking until 9/9:30pm!!!
And that just doesn't work-not for anyone.

So, I guess the point of this was to seek bedtime/general routine advice-what tips can you share with me that have worked in your house?


Admitting your despair, yet asking for grace...

1 comment:

  1. OK, so it is Bubbye here with a few comments:

    You and Nathan alternated days where one of you got to choose what song tapes (OY it was so long ago!) to listen to and that was that. (However, you regularly conned him into letting you have his day, he was such an easy going little brother!). Take a calendar and label it M, D, M, D, and when it is their day they can pick. That is that. In the long run it will help each of them to realize that can't always get what they want when they want it.
    AND remember, behaviors will get worse with this initially and it could take a week or two for things to calm down but you HAVE TO STICK WITH IT! (These tidbits are what I have learned working with my students with autism that I didn't do with the both of you, even though I was told to!)

    Also, it is not important in the overall scheme of life that every night your dishes are washed or laundry is put away ASAP. Time and play or reading with your children is more important. That is what makes memories.

    I know you don't like my favorite bumpersticker as much as I do but "A clean house is a sign of a wasted life".

    We read books at bedtime, how many times did I fall asleep with one of you? How many nights did you or Nathan request the same books over and over again? Dad and I still have some Dr. Seuss books memorized!

    Also you both fell asleep listening to music, remember your Fisher Price tape players?

    No matter how you make your evening changes be patient and expect a lot of bumps in the beginning. It will get worse before it gets better. DON'T GIVE UP, because if you do, they will learn that if they cry, scream etc long enough you will give in and they will have won.

    It will be hard, but you can do it!

    ReplyDelete

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