Thursday, February 20, 2014

Accepting the things you can't change...

In honor of attempting to blog in real time, and because of a planned link up tomorrow, I bring you today's post.  
It's 11:58 pm, so it's technically still today.
Plus. today is my birthday-Happy 27th to me!  

Alright, let's get down to business and back it up to the very beginning.
I explained in my very firsts posts my infertility diagnosis.  
Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, Low sperm count, an-ovulation, and menorrhagia, which means frequent periods.  However, the complicated part for me- was the religious infertility aspect.  
You can read about that   HERE 

After Moshe I immediately had my regular irregular, frequent bleeding episodes.  
Which prompted trips to the Reproductive Endocrinologist, Dr. Beloved, along with phone calls to my OB/GYN, Dr. Wonderful. Months of havoc ensued due to the inability to stay clean-from blood that is.  
Did you read my post which explains why that's important?  No? Read it!

My bleeding never did get under control that summer, but in November we ended up doing a transfer and I was immediately pregnant.  
After Dovy, I never got my period.  For 18 months I did not get my period. 
And then I found out I was pregnant.
You can read about that HERE.
Yes I still have the message on my phone, and yes I listen to it sometimes.
Not only was a lucky that I "slipped an egg," as Dr. Beloved says, but because I was also fortunate to be in the right place at the right time (if you know what I mean) since I was not "religiously infertile." 

I still can't believe it happened.
Spontaneous pregnancy.
Dr. Beloved was shocked-but Dr. Wonderful, he dared to utter the words aloud-
maybe you won't need your embryos.

And you know what?
I believed him.
I believed him so much that I bought 100 pregnancy tests on Amazon-convinced I would need to check on a regular basis-and not only would I check, one day I was going to see two lines.  
And how amazing that would be-because my body has finally figured it out!      

Until it became apparent it hadn't.
Because the bleeding is the main concern due to religious guidelines, when I saw Dr. Wonderful two weeks ago I asked him for birth control.  
I figured 6 months into Hannah's life, if I'm still bleeding frequently and irregularly and sometimes having issues getting clean, it's time to call it quits. 

I put in the NuvaRing today. 
And as it entered my body, all I could think of was my re-commitment to fertility treatment.
I'm not sure when, but it will happen again-because my infertility has reared it's ugly head.

I'm not really sure why I'm upset.
I said all along, even while pregnant with Hannah, even to Dr. Wonderful after he uttered the statement, that I wanted to use my remaining four embryos, I need to give them a chance. 

This is my infertility journey, and I'm honored to share it with you.

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