Sometimes, when I'm deep in the throes of mommy-hood, I'm able to catch myself and realize what a blessing has been bestowed upon me. To remember that I wondered if my house would ever be messy from toys, would I ever have smudged walls from dirty fingers, and overflowing laundry baskets...and yesterday marked one year since my first ultrasound with Simmy where we saw and heard her beautiful heartbeat, our rainbow baby.
Sometimes, when I'm surrounded by silence, I remember back to the year before, Memorial Day weekend, this day, was when we confirmed our first miscarriage. In my day to day life, those memories are a lifetime ago, buried deep. But in the quiet of the night, especially last night, it feels like yesterday. And the tears come rushing to the surface as I relive that pain. That weekend, I stayed home, DrH took the kids out, and I induced my miscarriage and then boxed up every single baby item, not knowing if my house would ever be graced again with such teeny tiny, intricately detailed items.
Two years ago...a lifetime...but not.
I am thankful for my miscarriage, it taught me to be kind, it taught me to be grateful, it taught me grace: personally, and to give it to others.
If you are deep in the throws of infertility, hang on.
If you're struggling, hang on.
If you're questioning, hang on.
If you're scared, hang on.
If you're angry, hang on.
It's worth it.
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