Announcing a sibling...and my pregnancy background

Announcing a pregnancy to family and friends is so deeply personal.  Some people announce as soon as the pee dries, others want to push it off as long as possible, and some people never announce they just wait for people to notice!  My situation has varied over the pregnancies-I announced early with my IVF pregnancies since I had been public with my pregnancy attempt, so it just didn't feel right for me to then go silent.  In my spontaneous pregnancies I kept it mostly a secret, unless you happened to be privy to my reproductive happenings, I had let you in on the fact that I was going to be POAS (peeing on a stick) First trimesters are usually nerve wracking-especially after a pregnancy loss.  While there is certainly excitement from the good news, there is fear and anxiety throughout the remainder of the pregnancy. 

The background of my pregnancy is that we had chosen not to use birth control, since the chances of a spontaneous pregnancy were slim.  And if it did happen, we welcomed it.  When Simmy was six months old, I began getting my period monthly, without spotting in between, which is miraculous for me.  Because I was of the mindset of not trying but not preventing, I didn't want to delve into analyzing my cycle.  There were no ovulation strips, temping, timed intercourse.  It just was what it was.  In December I was due for my period, but it never came.  I figured it was just a little wonky, so a week or two off, definitely didn't mean I was pregnant.  We began our winter travels, and I packed all my necessary monthly visitor items.  A week in, I went and bought a pregnancy test-just in case I needed it. 

When I was going to test for a pregnancy during my cycle with Simmy, it was my fifth round of IVF, following two back to to back miscarriages and two straight negative results.  If you remember, I was in a new city, commuting 1-3 times a week to continue treatments in New York.  Over the course of those 10 months, I had become very close with a new friend, and I actually took my pregnancy test in her bathroom and she was with me when I found out the results.  She also was with me when Simmy was born, and I always joked I'd never be able to take another pregnancy test alone again!  So I waited until both of our travels landed us back at her place.  When I told her I was going to need to take a pregnancy test in the morning, her jaw hit the floor.  On one hand, I had actually taken a few pregnancy tests through the previous six months...the fact that I was so easily able to push off this test-with a period becoming later and later, it makes me wonder if I subconsciously knew I was pregnant?

That next morning, I actually didn't wake up and pee first thing. I drug my feet, kind of living in that blissful place of I might be-which was going to be so exciting, but also not yet knowing I wasn't, because then I had to face a semi-crushed dream.  Although I had been adamant that I felt one more baby was missing in our family, I knew fertility treatments were going to be a long time in the future-if ever, and our best chance at growing our family, was going to be to spontaneously get pregnant.  Once my friend realized I was supposed to be taking a pregnancy test, she threw me into the bathroom.  For all of you POASers, always pee in a cup, and then use the cup for the stick-never pee directly on the stick because if the test malfunctions, you're screwed!!! After I completed the test, I laid it face down on a paper towel, and walked out of the bathroom.  I went back upstairs where my friend was and we both acknowledged that I had to read that test-I had to find out the results...today. NOW.  I told her I was going to grab it, but because it was face down, I wouldn't see the result, so I'd bring it up so we could see it together. 

In those moments, I wanted to protect myself, so I told myself 'for sure it's negative, it's ok if it's negative.' But I couldn't bring myself to actually look at the test, so I gave it to my friend to look at and commented, "I'm sure it's negative," as I handed it to her.  I let her do the honors...she flipped it over, and just started screaming!  That's when I saw there were two dark lines-shock.  I think I said, "holy shit, what am I going to do? Five kids is a lot!" We called DrH, who just said, "wow, that's crazy," but of course we know he's super excited, although we're all still in denial we'll have a 5th baby sooner than later...I texted Dr. B who told me I needed an HCG and Progesterone test STAT. 

My first HCG draw came back around 35,000-so we knew I was further along than a "missed period." I ended up having my first ultrasound around what I thought/was hoping would indicate I was between 8-10 weeks, but I think I was actually 7-8 weeks based on what we saw.  I wasn't nervous because we didn't know dates 100%, and everything looked good.  I never had any spotting or any complications like I had with my IVF pregnancies. 

We decided to announce to the kids, I think it was just as the first trimester was ending because I was very self-conscience of what I looked like and they were starting to make comments on how I looked.  So, it wasn't worth it to "hide" anymore, we just told them.  Thankfully DrH is a radiologist, so for a few weeks, when we was on ultrasound, I would go have him scan me so I didn't have to go the dreaded four weeks between knowing if the baby was still alive or not.  At one of these extra scans, the ultrasound tech typed onto the screen "Hi..." with the name of each kid, and we took a picture of the screen.  I then printed the pictures at Costco and we presented each kid with their own envelope. 

Watch the video to see!   


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