Monday, October 31, 2016

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month


Today, I want to use the last day of October, to acknowledge that October is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness month.   Just five  months ago, I had my first miscarriage; at 29 years old.   And just a few months after that, I had my second miscarriage.  If you're keeping track, which I'm sure those of you who have been following are, that's two miscarriages in three and a half months. While 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, only 2% of the population will have two sequential miscarriages.

If you're reading because you're curious about miscarriage
If you're reading because you had a miscarriage and you're trying to navigate this new territory
If you're reading because your wife had a miscarriage
If you're reading because your best friend had a miscarriage
If you're reading because your daughter had a miscarriage
If you're reading because your granddaughter had a miscarriage
If you're reading because your niece had a miscarriage
It sucks.

But you know what makes it suck even more?
When you feel that you can't talk about it because it makes other people uncomfortable.

And that's why I created this blog, and that's why I'm publishing this post-there is nothing wrong with talking about a miscarriage. However I will add, that if you are feeling so overwhelmed with sadness, or others think you are overwhelmed with sadness, please seek help from a professional.  There are therapists that specialize in infertility and miscarriage. Part of how we cope, is by seeking and receiving validation-that's psychology 101-always validate someone's feelings.  But if we don't talk about "it", how do we receive validation? How do we ever actually begin to feel ok with the hardship we've been dealt if we aren't seeking validation from others?  That's why talking is so important.
To our family
To our friends
 To our co-workers
To anyone you want.
I can't even begin to tell you how many times my miscarriages have come up in conversation because it is such a huge part of who I am, and where I am that no can even begin to validate my feelings and support me without knowing that crucial piece of who I am.

So, I'm here to tell you that it's ok to talk.  In fact, I recommend you talk. Not only will you most likely feel better, you're also doing such a huge kindness to society by easing the burden of one of life's most difficult handouts.
Imagine if talking about a miscarriage was like talking about your wedding, or the loss of a loved one.  According to uscdfertility.org, a miscarriage is an emotionally traumatic experience-so then why should women not be given the support they need when they go through that traumatic experience? Women can, and they will be if we all stand together and #endthetaboo

 Another important piece of advice I want you to know, it gets better. It really does get better.
But, there are times, when the pain will come from nowhere and knock you off your feet. Like today, when I was at the gym. Or right now as I'm typing this.  Or when your friends make their pregnancy announcements and you watch their bellies grow and you know that you should be doing the same.  

However, more likely than not, we will all come out the other side-somehow, someway.    And when we do, the feeling of the missing puzzle piece finally falling into place, will make all of this worth it.
But until then, take care of yourself, and allow others to walk this journey with you.

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