A new year, new cycle

It's kind of fitting that in Judaism, we're fresh into a new year-less than a week in fact, and I get to start the year off with a brand spankin' new Frozen Embryo Cycle.  

I'm not sure if that's something to feel grateful for, or to feel anger about.
It's also fitting that tonight begins the completion of the 10-day cycle which the Jews pray for a successful year: our whole year, every aspect, is determined at this time.  Tonight and tomorrow that time period comes to a climax, and boy do I have something special to pray for.

Of course I'm thankful, I mean, to get to move right into another cycle, without missing a beat (other than my clinic being closed the month of October due to all the holidays) I jumped in as soon as I could-which is just how I like it.  Someone posted in one of the groups I'm in, asking how you handle the pressure of a new cycle, and the waiting.  My answer: try to emotionally detach from the experience, but remember it's not the last chance for success. This is just a matter of time. So, like I've said after the other failed cycles, as long as I can keep going, as long as this is done on my time frame, and on my emotional needs, I'm ok.

I never thought I'd find myself eight months deep in trying for another baby.  Not after I seemed to find the answer for my body-IVF (invitro fertilization). It was back in 2008 that we tried for eight months before getting pregnant with Moshe. So, to say I'm surprised to have faced negative cycles, miscarriages even, is something I've had to adjust to.   But, this is all normal.  I was just talking to a close friend last night, and I mentioned that I actually feel thankful to have been given this trial because I feel that it allows me to create even more of a platform, and relate to even more people, that can actually relate to me! It's very uncommon for people to have only success, and when I would share my story, I found it rather hard to relate for many people.

Last night, I took my first dose of Lupron.  

I go in a week and a half for an endometrial biopsy-which not only will scratch my endometrial lining, which has proven to increase the rates of implantation, but we'll also get another look at the plasma cells.  A few days after that, I'll start my estrogen, and the transfer is tentatively scheduled for the week of November 11-16.  Logistically, this is a nightmare, but, all worth it.  

Right now, I'm just going through the motions.  If this doesn't work, I'll be taking some time off (we're undecided when we'll try again, for financial and logistical reasons) but in addition to that I need to lose the 20ish lbs I've gained in the past seven months #myclothesdontfit

So, here we go, again!