Tomorrow, Tomorrow

I recently shared on Instagram a picture of my son giving me my last Lupron shot. 

 Lupron is used to shut down the reproductive system and allow for manipulation by the other drugs I take.  Ironically, it was almost exactly 5 months after I took my first shot of Lupron for last transfer.  Coincidentally, we were also in South Bend for the unveiling of my Zayde's headstone.  I can't believe it's been five months since he passed away.  

Reality kind of hit me then-five months.  Five months later, I'm able to try again for another pregnancy.  I don't get to try every month like other people do.  It takes time to heal and time to prep.  I know five months includes the last transfer, then pregnancy, and then dealing with the miscarriage, but it's still time I'm not pregnant, time I'm not carrying a pregnancy that will result in the successful birth of a child; I'm not anywhere closer to having another baby. 

 If this doesn't work, we're down to one remaining embryo.  That would mean three embryos have failed.

I will need to build up my "stash" while I can, which means we're looking at a fresh cycle. 

The financial, emotional, physical burden, as well as the time commitment are daunting.  

But, infertility is a game, and I have no choice but to keep playing.  

Tomorrow, we'll transfer two frozen embryos.  

Tomorrow, will bleed into many other tomorrows while we wait with baited breath to see what our next step is.